Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
