and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize