neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize