I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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