Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
