What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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