He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
