Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
