found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I will be naked everywhere
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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