I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
