pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize