I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
