I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize