make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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