Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
