If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize