Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize