Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Who died my cat blue again?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
