dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He felt like a one man threesome
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The air was thick with penises
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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