why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
