I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
