i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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