You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
