What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
