I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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