I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
