exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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