Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
