some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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