Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
