im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
