I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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