If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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