I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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