I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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