just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
