hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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