How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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