After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
