I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize