Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
