Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
