omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
