And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
