I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
