he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
