He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize