Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
