okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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