is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
