I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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