Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize