I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
