I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
