nut hugger
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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