I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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