youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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