I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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