Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
