so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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