I feel great
I just peed on a car
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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