don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
